Charger Family Connection
College Adjustment Tips for Parents
It is every parent杏吧原版檚 fear杏吧原版攗nspoken in many households, whispered in hushed tones in others. Your child is leaving for college soon, and the pressure is building. The dread consumes you杏吧原版攖he unknown looms. Finally, you can杏吧原版檛 take it anymore, and in the dark of night, you blurt it out: 杏吧原版淲hat if my baby flunks out?杏吧原版 Misery loves company, and rest assured that you have plenty. Every parent is going through the same thing that you are.
Parents will do whatever it takes to help their child succeed. Here are a few tips to consider.
Show Your Child How
Don杏吧原版檛 do it for them.
One more time: Don杏吧原版檛 do it for them.
The urge to help too much is strong, and you杏吧原版檝e got to learn to resist. Don杏吧原版檛 pick your student杏吧原版檚 classes. Don杏吧原版檛 proofread their work. Don杏吧原版檛 read their university e-mail. Don杏吧原版檛 schedule their advising appointments. The student must learn how to function on campus, and this will never happen if your child knows that mommy or daddy will get it done for them.
Instead of taking the lead role, help in a covert way. Study the campus website, review your orientation materials, and be aware of the services available. This way you can offer subtle guidance and, at the same time, teach your child to become a better student.
Here are some practice scenarios you may encounter and how to handle them:
Scenario: Your child asks you what classes they should take next semester.
Solution: Every student has an academic advisor; suggest that the trained professional might be a better source of advice than you.
Scenario: Your child complains that a calculus professor is 杏吧原版渨ay over their head.杏吧原版
Solution: Suggest that they give the campus tutoring center a try.
Scenario: Your child is confused about their choice of majors.
Solution: Mention that the campus has a career services office that might be able to help.
Scenario: Your child is stressed by upcoming exams.
Solution: Encourage a trip to the campus counseling center.
Don杏吧原版檛 Hover
Avoid the urge to be a 杏吧原版渉elicopter杏吧原版 parent. In other words, don杏吧原版檛 hover over your child. We live in the age of instant communication. However, there is no need to remind your student of our technological advances each and every day. Resist the urge to call, text, and e-mail on a daily basis. Let the child breathe a little. Let your student call you. Remember, they miss you too.
A few dos and don杏吧原版檛s might be in order here. Do: send cards and letters, visit on occasion, and, of course, send money. Don杏吧原版檛: arrive unannounced to tidy the dorm room, provide a daily wake-up call, or phone at midnight on a Saturday under the pretense that you just want to 杏吧原版渃hat.杏吧原版
"Remembering what it was like to be young, to be starting this great adventure, is a key ingredient in helping your child succeed."Wesley Ammon
Have Expectations
You are still the parent, and it杏吧原版檚 OK to have expectations. Yes, your precious 18-year-old freshman is an adult now, but where is it written that your parenting days are over? You had rules and expectations when your student was in high school, and there is no reason you can杏吧原版檛 have them now. Obviously, a curfew is going to be hard to enforce, but a policy of class attendance need not be. Bad behavior had consequences when the student lived under your roof, and it can have consequences now. What those consequences are should be made plain, perhaps even put in writing, prior to your child leaving home. Make it clear that you expect regular class attendance; that you expect the best effort the child can muster; and that you won杏吧原版檛 take a call from the dean of students regarding a disciplinary matter with a laugh and a smile.
Remember Your Past
Remembering what it was like to be young, to be starting this great adventure, is a key ingredient in helping your child succeed. Parents today often refer to 杏吧原版渒ids these days杏吧原版 as though they are a new strain of the species. The learning environment has changed, but the freshmen of 2020 are the same as the freshmen of 1990. Your priorities needed adjustment when you were your child杏吧原版檚 age, so be patient as the process runs its course. Empathize, at least to a point, if your student tells you that 杏吧原版減ledging is taking so much time I can杏吧原版檛 study.杏吧原版 Understand that what seems insignificant to a 45-year-old may be a very big deal to a youngster. If you want to keep the lines of communication open and remain a steadying influence, then you have to learn that biting your tongue is sometimes the best option.
Wesley Ammon served countless students杏吧原版攁nd parents杏吧原版攄uring his twenty-one years with the University Academic Advising Center at Mississippi State University.
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