The Charger Blog
Beatrice Glaviano Ӱԭ26 discusses change, growth, and destressing over Thanksgiving break, and she offers encouragement to her fellow Chargers.
December 05, 2023
Thanksgiving Break, Day #1:
Exam. Lab report. Dad. Home. I will not lie and tell you that I wrote anything for this day, but instead give you those brief points as a summary.
Thanksgiving Break, Day #2.
[Author rubs her face, taking a seat in her chair] Hey guys.
I will let you all know that IӰԭm running on two cups of coffee, a homework marathon (Anatomy and Orgo), and frankly what seems to be pure Christmas spirit as IӰԭm ready to just deck my apartment out in the most sparkly stuff ever. In other words:
ItӰԭs been a rough week.
IӰԭm pretty sure that it was a mix of both burnout, my menstrual cycle, and literally the impending doom of a formal lab report for my chemistry lab. However, no matter how much yoga IӰԭve done or how many squats IӰԭve managed, the good olӰԭ seasonal depression is back to haunt me. Because I knew this would happen, I have been coping in several ways, such as:
But for the most part, I felt really small. Not physically, but as a person. I felt small because the things that make Beatrice, Beatrice, had started to wilt a little bit. I give a lot into my schoolwork, into jobs, and my duties as a friend, the eldest child, the leader, the gym person, the advocate, and the everyday human being. ItӰԭs tiring, to say the least, and itӰԭs hard to be myself when so much is going on.
I promised these blogs would be real with all of you, so hereӰԭs that realness.
About this time last year, nothing was really going right. IӰԭm not sure if my body is reliving those memories or not, but itӰԭs something that has come to mind one or two times. I was basically about to ӰԭfailӰԭ out of chemistry, I had no clue what I was doing or what path I was choosing because I was still a forensic science major who hated learning about forensics, and my health was rocky. So, I have no clue if those memories or events are contributing to the seasonal sad or if I just need to lay in the sun for two hours straight listening to an audiobook.
But if there is one thing I learned is that when, and you will, lose yourself, itӰԭs okay to not look for a while.
Why?
Because you grow the most without meaning to. If you look for a past version of yourself, youӰԭll only find whoever you were instead, rather than who you could be.
Yes, IӰԭm not doing the best, but I fight for myself relentlessly. I managed to squat 165 pounds at a bodyweight of roughly 115. I got a 96 on my anatomy exam because I believed that I could. I can do hard things, and I needed to remind myself that I am worth that effort.
Since I went back home for Fall Break, IӰԭve been going to my home gym again. ItӰԭs been good to go back too Ӱԭ familiar faces and all, knowing the equipment like the back of my hand and how many times the barbell saw the tears that nobody else did. But what I wasnӰԭt expecting was for someone to walk up to me (someone I knew) and tell me:
ӰԭItӰԭs so good to see you!Ӱԭ She said, bubbly and ecstatic. ӰԭYouӰԭve grown into yourself Ӱԭ you look a lot more comfortable.Ӱԭ
And that just sort of...hit me.
It hadnӰԭt been for nothing, after all. The studying, the change of major, all the chances I took on myself having no clue what could happen Ӱԭ a change had been made, and, honestly, I am so grateful that I am not the same person as I was before. The past version of me wasnӰԭt bad, and sometimes I miss her optimism, her pure joy, and her perceptions, but several things needed to be acted on in order to progress in my life.
So, as someone who used to fear change, it was a huge moment for me to understand that growth would be predictable and that in itself is perhaps one of the best things life could offer me:
Change.
Change of mindset. Change of clothes. Change of hair or perfume. I can do the hard things, and IӰԭm not going to let cold weather get the best of me. Not when I have plenty of life to live and breathe into.
ItӰԭs time for hot chocolate, Christmas decorations, the heartiest laughs, and the best of friendships youӰԭve ever seen in your sad life, Depression.
Fight me.
Thanksgiving Break, Day #3.
[Playing Kanye WestӰԭs ӰԭRunawayӰԭ]
Today is considerably better than yesterday, probably because I didnӰԭt bury myself in work again. I knitted, hit the gym, watched the rest of the movie IӰԭm supposed to for bioethics (itӰԭs an assignment), read part of CH.17: Cardiovascular Emergencies for EMT I, and now IӰԭm here.
IӰԭm on Thanksgiving break, man. ItӰԭs okay for me to take a break. IӰԭm allowed that, at the very least.
Michael came up to me in the gym. I met him yesterday, and I was happy to make his acquaintance. He told me how strong I was. I donӰԭt really think that he knew how far that compliment went, really. Today, I felt really weak in the gym Ӱԭ despite it being leg day. I managed about four reps of 135 and-
ӰԭNope. Not today. Nu-uh.Ӱԭ
And it wasnӰԭt because I wasnӰԭt willing to put in the work (I went on to do a 4x10 of 115 superset with ten jump squats), but because my spine was about to throw a fit. I go to the gym for my physical, mental, and emotional health, and if my back is not okay with something that IӰԭm trying to do, I will not make it do so.
There is a difference between soreness and pain, and being able to understand that difference can be very helpful.
Thanksgiving Break, Day #4:
Author, fueled on coffee and ready for the sugar high of the century: ӰԭITӰԭS TURKEY DAY EVERYONE, RISE AND SHINE!Ӱԭ
Good morning, good morning everyone! IӰԭve noticed this blog series (and maybe the blogs overall) are steadily becoming more and more like a podcast transcript rather than a written entry. Either way, IӰԭm having a lot of fun.
Today, itӰԭs sunny with only a few clouds in the sky and dudes, I am feeling better than ever. I took the day off yesterday from studying or doing any real academic-based work, and frankly, I really needed that. While I will be getting some school stuff done today, itӰԭs going to be a gradual transition into it rather than a full-blown slam-study session.
Also, itӰԭs Thanksgiving: I have people to hug and food to eat. Assignments can wait.
So far, IӰԭve spent the morning writing little ӰԭThank YouӰԭ notes to my friends and family, as thatӰԭs something I genuinely love doing every Thanksgiving given the holidayӰԭs meaning. And, itӰԭs been going really well. IӰԭm really, truthfully grateful that I get to be a part of peopleӰԭs lives for whatever amount of time that IӰԭm allowed with them. So many of the people IӰԭve ever met in my life have taught me so many different things by just being themselves. I wonder how many people IӰԭve impacted by being myself, or even writing these blogs. I know a lot of entries can be hard reads as they involve a lot of hard topics, but I like writing them not only because IӰԭm a poet at heart, but I also want to be someone on this campus who people know understands the struggle of being a student, just trying to do the whole ӰԭadultӰԭ thing.
Being a legal adult while trying to be a professional adult while trying to allow yourself to be the kid you wanted to be because you have Ӱԭadult moneyӰԭ now from your Ӱԭadult jobӰԭ is hard.
Some days, it comes down to buying new skincare over good groceries. Others, itӰԭs rapid-firing assignments because your procrastination got out of control. My procrastination, actually, is probably one of the worst on the planet as I typically get everything (assignments) in on time.
Key word: on time. ThatӰԭs all I will say on the topic.
Anyhow, back to the topic of Thanksgiving. In the Glaviano household, there are always a few key moments to Thanksgiving that happen every year:
Needless to say, Thanksgiving in our household is always a riot. IӰԭm pretty sure that IӰԭve mentioned my favorite foods already, but IӰԭm going to list them again anyways:
Boom. You know ӰԭGirl Dinner?Ӱԭ This is my ӰԭGirl ThanksgivingӰԭ in a nutshell. Over the past couple of years, IӰԭve realized that the holiday is less about the food, but more so, instead, it is about seeing my family and catching up with all of my relatives. So much has happened this year that I am so, so stupidly grateful and happy for, and I cannot thank life enough for the opportunities itӰԭs given me to grow through. While not all of the experiences I went through were pleasant, IӰԭm still happy that they happened. Instead of thinking ӰԭWhy is this happening to me?Ӱԭ I changed my thoughts into ӰԭWhat can I learn from this?Ӱԭ, and that really helped change my perspective on things.
Thanksgiving is really a great time to think about things as a whole, I think. The entire day, IӰԭve just sat in gratitude. Even though we only had three people over, the house felt just as full as if we had 20. Family will always be family, and thatӰԭs something that really stuck out to me this year.
ItӰԭs also been brought to my attention that IӰԭm now the ӰԭmomӰԭ friend of the group. I wasnӰԭt very surprised by this, seeing that I have four plants, bake a really good vegan banana bread and sweet potato casserole, and have an alarming number of sweaters accompanied by a chronic caffeine addiction.
IӰԭm 19 and 27 at the same time and itӰԭs a little weird.
I am incredibly grateful, however, for the friends that I have made this year and the friendships that I have maintained. As a pre-med kid, keeping in touch with people Ӱԭ or even myself Ӱԭ can get a little tricky. Oftentimes, I find myself giving people a Ӱԭheads upӰԭ that I wonӰԭt be able to reach out for the next couple of days because IӰԭm studying or going on a massive homework slam. Either way, IӰԭm extremely privileged to know the people in my life because they add so much to it and genuinely make me strive to be a better person.
There are other things IӰԭm grateful for too, of course: a healthy body, the ability to go to a good school and learn what I want to, my parentsӰԭ sacrifices Ӱԭ the list could go on. Overall, this Thanksgiving season I found myself wrapped up and blessed in gratitude and pure joy for what I have. Despite whatever is happening in your life, there is always something to be grateful for, even if itӰԭs small. Coming to campus after the holiday really helped me find grounding in my academics again, and just seeing the University again, well...
It was inspirational.
I hope that you all are having a good week, and that you find peace in the cooler weather. Please feel free to reach out with any comments, questions, or possible concerns to BGlav1@unh.newhaven.edu or my personal email, beatriceg2022@gmail.com.
I am grateful for all of you.
With peace, love, and all the peanut butter,
Beatrice
Beatrice Glaviano Ӱԭ26 is a nutrition sciences major at the University of New Haven.
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